Marks on the Door

Today's post is pretty introspective so if you are looking for something light hearted and witty, you should probably skip today's edition. :-) At least I'm honest. Ha!

For the parents out there, the image to the left is probably very recognizable and most likely replicated in your home in various places: closet doors, bedroom doors, garage walls or in our case the inside of the pantry door. A little over a year ago, we began tracking the kids growth, and with five kids, you can imagine the number of marks on the door. Brandon is especially proud, it is tough to read but the bottom date is 6-01-08 and the top line is 8-1-09, in exactly 14 months he grew seven inches. Wow! This little boy that looked up to me is now a young man that looks over at me. This little boy that loved Power Rangers, is now six inches taller than his mom...he looks down at her. He still can't wear my shoes, but for a different reason than before. My shoes are too small. Alli, Hannah, Will and Wes have all sprouted like weeds this summer too but going through the first phases of the teenage years with your first teenager is a unique experience. Brandon is now rushing head first towards independence and adulthood. Let me tell you my thoughts on that:

1. He may look me in the eyes, but will he always look up to me?
2. My shoes don't fit, but will he always have big shoes to fill?
3. He will probably be bigger than me, but will he be a bigger man?
4. One day he may be able to "whoop" me, but will I give him cause to?
5. He will most likely be stronger than me, but will he be the stronger man?

The scary part to me on these questions is that I believe it is entirely my responsibility to foster and develop the answers to each of these questions. The next 5-7 years are going to be life changing for Brandon and for me and Holly. It is my job to show him how to be the bigger man; to demonstrate mercy and patience so he can always be the stronger man; to lead down the right path so he can clearly follow the "big shoes"; to show respect and honor towards him so he is not provoked to anger; to set such an example that no matter how tall he may grow, he can always look up to me. Quite frankly - this is an exciting, frightening and humbling responsibility. It makes me want to look back down at his siblings and just enjoy the easy, fun times of toddlers and adolescents. However, part of teaching him to be the bigger man, is properly teaching when to back down from a fight but also instilling within him the courage to act when it is time to fight. There are some things worth fighting for, there are some responsibilities too great to walk away from and guiding him through the rough waters, the deep valleys and mountaintops that are certain to come is just one of those times.

The good news is that I've been through it myself so I kinda know what to expect. The bad news is that I've been through this myself so I kinda know what to expect. And then there is the unknown - Brandon is his own man, he isn't me and there's a lot of good to that. :-)

I will tell you my goals:

1. For Brandon to develop into an independent thinker.
2. For Brandon to develop strong roots in a relationship with Christ.
3. To help Brandon minimize the scars that he will obtain throughout this journey. Everyone gets them, it's part of the "rights of passage" but the number and depth can be mitigated.
4. For Brandon to find himself, establish his beliefs based upon his own thinking and research, not just on what others tell him is right or wrong.
5. For Brandon to keep it simple and learn the true key to happiness in life J-O-Y (Jesus first, then Others and You last.)

I'm certain, from people I've met throughout the years, that parents fall into three categories when they reach this phase of their life: 1. Some just don't know how to handle it, and they set no boundaries, try to be their young adult's best friend and somewhere around the age of 17-19 they wake up and realize they made a really big mistake...their new objective is to keep their kid alive and out of jail until they are out on their own. 2. The second group can tend to clamp down pretty hard, "No" becomes their mantra - some kids stay completely out of trouble but come out on the other side are turned loose into the world and have no control, while the second group rebels and the result is exactly the opposite of what the parents want. 3. The last group set a plan, attempt to execute the plan, understand that bad things are going to happen, show love first, help fix second and then teach last. They don't want to be friends and they will trade "best friend" rights for the disciplinarian when necessary.

I sometimes think of it this way, you and your kid come up to a creek that is really flowing pretty fast and of course, your kid wants to cross. You can say "have at it" while you sit on the bank and read a book. As he tries to make his way across the current becomes too strong, it starts to sweep him away and he is pulled under and dragged across the rocks. Most kids survive but the beating they take is significant. The damage can range from a bloody knee and a few scrapes to permanent, lifelong damage. Other parents just tell the kids no, and while some children obey and are compliant the next time they come to the creek themselves, with no one to tell them "no" they give it a shot and the results are similar to the first set of kids. While the "rebels" of the group just ignore their parents and dive right in - again the odds are pretty good that something bad is going to happen. The scary part about this group is how the parents handle it, do they fuss at them while the children flounder or do they jump right in and help. The last set of parents encourage their kids and praise them for their bravery, but also caution and teach about the potential pitfalls and when the teaching is done, the parent leads the way, showing their child how it is done. So the next time the child finds themselves in front of a creek, they know to respect it, but not fear it and they can figure out the best way to get across.

Well, Brandon and I are at the edge of the creek bank. We are still teaching and training but it's almost time to step into the water. I'm a little nervous, even though, I've crossed this creek before. I know Brandon is anxious, he's ready, I can see it in his eyes, it's his time now. I appreciate your prayers as he and I cross and if you see a little orange sticking out of my shirt, don't laugh, it's my floaties in case I slip. Although I'm not worried if I fall, I know Hannah will jump in after me.

Volume 2, Issue 2
The Carmack Clan

-Jon